Did you know the G-spot was almost called the Whipple Tickle? That British spies used to use semen as invisible ink? Do you know what Gymnophoria is?
I’m guessing one or two of those flew just under your radar, but ease your mind! I have been sent forth to palliate your ignorance and assist you in fulfilling your sexual destiny! No, I’m not exaggerating. Well, not by a whole lot, anyway. Stay with me, and soon enough, you’ll have more fun facts (like how the best-selling book of the 15th century was an erotic novel written by Pope Pius II) and how-to’s (like the ancient art of the hammock romp) than you can fit in one bed (or car, park, public restroom or vestibule)! We’ll talk about slow sex, quickie sex, clean sex and kinky sex. Sex in the water, sex on a plane, sex that’ll make them wheeze your name. Stick with me, young padawan, and you’ll be flying out to Funkytown so often, people will think you own a time-share!
Sex is the most base and beautiful physical act in the history of animal life, and should be revered as such, without judgment or intense moral censorship. A wise man (Kinsey) once said, “The only unnatural act is that which you cannot perform.” For everything else, Stevie’s here. I’ll take you to the lusty, lascivious, enticing world of seduction and do all I can to help you to be present in the rapturous splendor that is the raw, writhing beauty of that passionate embrace. That being said, I think we’ll start you off nice and easy. Let’s talk about sext!
Sexting is defined as the sending of sexually explicit photos, images, text messages or emails using a cell-phone or other mobile device… By the Merriam-Webster dictionary. If that little tidbit of a fact doesn’t help to illustrate how much of our culture devotes good time (really good time) and energy to this lusty lexicon, we’ve got a lot more work to do in the future. We’re strapped for time, so I’ll save the “who sexts who and why” for another day. This time, I’ll just try and tell you a little about what sexting is, aside from a tricksy new scrabble word.
1. Sexting is an art (much like sex is an art. And literature.. waait a sec…), and, though there are many different forms of art, sexting a new person should have you thinking a little less Dio and a little more Vandross. Believe me, at this point, the only person who wants to see your balls to the wall is you*. I know you’re an eager beaver, but part of the game is holding back from saying what they know you want to say. “Mm, I missed you last night. All over,” usually makes a better good morning than, “Ooh, my #&@@?’s gaping and dripping wet, waiting for you to put it in its place.*” Try a little finesse, but not too much. The subtle dance of sexting is a torturous beast, but well worth conquering.
2. Sexting is a spice. Think of it as red pepper (or ghost pepper, if you’ve got it like that) you must be careful of where you add it, and how often. If you’re sexting each Saturday at 5, your libidinous platitudes will soon conscribe all the lasciviousness of Ben Stein reading the back of a Hustler magazine. Be a sext ninja! Hit them when and where they least expect, and they’ll hang on your every dot and tittle, aching for more*. And, in the end, isn’t that one of the best parts?
3. Sexting is a promise. Sort of. Let me explain: don’t be afraid to be a bit fantastical. No, you won’t likely get her some spurs and have her ride you ‘till Christmas day, and it’s likely you’re not dripping down your leggings at the sight of his Yule log, but if you say you want him at your place with nothing but a trenchcoat, don’t freak if he’s pointing at you through the window in an hour*. It’s exhilarating to let that part of yourself out, but know your sexting partner is hoping and expecting you to deliver to the best of your best abilities. Strive to fulfill, ladies and gents, and we’ll all be happier folk.
*Always note every rule has its exception. Different strokes, as they say.
Helpful reminder: Always practice safe sext. Don’t freak out, but hundreds of new intimate pictures and videos make it through the Internet every day, and guess where most of them originate. I know, he’s a peach, but you should still probably separate your face from your bits, photographically speaking, until you’ve found someone who’ll assassinate him for the asking or you’re SURE he can be trusted. And don’t think you’re off the hook, guys. Those “post-workout pics” you’re so proud of can end up on Sailorsneedlovetoo.com faster than you can say exit only. Cover yourselves! And, if you’d rather not do that, at least cover your bases.
That’s all for now, but it only gets hotter from here. Don’t believe me? Wait until the next issue. Final rule of sexting? Always leave them wanting…
– See more at: http://heliopolissbc.com/Article/what-she-said-introduction#sthash.yJDfYVrr.dpuf