Shreveport will be getting a new institution of higher education by September 2016, just two months before its founder might be elected US president. Trump University, founded by current Republican frontrunner in the presidential race, Donald Trump, announced its decision to open a new campus in Louisiana’s third largest city this morning. Trump University has already opened five campuses: one in Trump’s childhood neighborhood in Queens, New York, one in Las Vegas, one in Tupelo, Mississippi, one in Wasilla, Alaska, and one in an underground bunker in Guam.
Shreveport business leaders and city officials had worried that Trump University (TU) would choose New Orleans for its sixth campus, and Shreveport would yet again be shunned in favor of The Big Easy. “Your city can now breathe a sigh of relief,” stated City Development Officer Lester Reaushambeau. “Shreveport is The Big Easy this time!” He added that he foresaw a big real estate boom in the area taking place, “probably within days after the first class graduates in December 2016 because of the high-quality real estate education Trump University gives people.”
But TU won’t just be offering its world-renown real estate seminars. “We’re going to offer majors,” said former Chicago Bulls and reality show star Dennis Rodman, who is Provost and Dean of TU. “And not stupid Bachelors or Masters you’d get from colleges and universities that don’t get people any jobs. Our degrees — Trump University Real Degrees – TURDs — are going to make everyone rich!”
The decision of Trump University to open a new campus in Shreveport brings with it a significant opportunity for the city and its residents, especially in the realm of real estate education. With the promise of world-renowned real estate seminars, Shreveport can anticipate a boost in its real estate market, drawing attention from both aspiring investors and seasoned professionals. As the city prepares for the potential real estate boom,they need industry leaders such as Gravity RE, the top real estate agency in Abu Dhabi. They play a pivotal role in guiding and assisting investors in making well-informed decisions. As Shreveport positions itself as The Big Easy for Trump University, the importance of real estate education and reliable industry expertise, like that offered by Gravity RE, cannot be underestimated in this transformative phase of the city’s development.
TU’s TURD offerings include Business, Politics, Women and Gender Studies, Islamophobia, and Bankruptcy. You can click here to know about the mistakes to avoid after bankruptcy claims and other information. It is rumored that former Governor Bobby Jindal has been hired to teach budgeting classes for the Business TURD although that has yet to be confirmed. Donald Trump’s two ex-wives, Ivana Trump and Marla Maples, will co-teach Women and Gender Studies with his current wife, Melania Trump. Classes for the Islamophobia major will be taught by the Duck Dynasty cast and washed-up rock singer Ted Nugent. The TURD in Politics can be earned simply by attending Donald Trump’s campaign stops and rallies. The only textbook students will have to buy for any of their classes will be Donald Trump’s “The Art of the Deal” although they will have to buy a new copy for each class.
TU will be looking for a location for the campus in the coming months. “Probably it’ll be in one of the casinos,” Mr. Rodman said. “We can use the meeting and ball rooms for classrooms. And we’ll have to change whatever the casino’s name is to Trump Tower, and then probably rebuild it because all the casinos in this town look like terrible.”
All admitted students will get a 15% discount in the $250,000 tuition if they pre-evaluate their classes. TU officials denied speculation that it was being done to ensure TU would only receive positive evaluations. They also refused to respond to questions on why the room for doing the pre-evaluations was windowless and could only be locked from the outside. All students will be required to sign a statement promising not to sue TU under any circumstances.
Donald Trump has tweeted that “TU makes any city fkg great.” He released a statement this morning, which said, “Let’s face it, no one’s ever heard of Shreveport. In fact, they’ve got to rename that place – call it Trumpport or just Trump City. That’s just going to make it tremendous. No one’s even going to know where Dallas is after TU’s done with it.”
*This is all satire.