If you’ve never had to sit through hours of awkward family interrogations regarding your seemingly dismal romantic life, you just keep being boring. Refill that latte, and keep reading Home & Garden. This is for the rest of us, who have repeatedly visited home for the holidays completely empty-handed (that includes gifts). Aunt Susie is curious why it didn’t work out with “What’s her name? She was so cute!” Mom is seriously concerned about your well-being because the lack of a partner is apparently indicative of drug problems. Your sister is doing Zumba by the mailbox, waiting for that wedding invitation. Meanwhile Dad is pouring shots and celebrating your single life and living vicariously through your magnificent immaturity. It’s not all bad, so pass the Beam, Dad, and consider it bonding.

Here’s some reasons single ain’t bad this winter, in no particular order, just like your life.

  1. To the single goes the spoils – without an SO (that’s “significant other,” and it’s ok, you’ve never had one so don’t worry about it) you can double the presents that you give yourself this year. That’s TWO, count ‘em, two copies of the latest cheesy superhero movie, and double the Great Raft beer. WIN.
  2. NO IN-LAWS – I don’t think I need to go into detail on this one. Basically, you’re avoiding several hours of dubious head-nodding to political, religious, and economic opinions that are the complete opposite of yours. But, the food is usually good, so stuff yourself, and if you’re lucky, they are Catholic. Winkface.
  3. Holiday Hook-Ups – There’s no boundaries here, everyone is purging themselves of inhibition, and gearing up for all the “New Year, New Me” bullshit. Which is good for you, if your hometown fling is down. If, like me, you grew up in BFE, they’ve gained 30 pounds and got two rugrats, so again, pass the Beam, Dad.
  4. Traditions – Again, no expectations can lead to great things, that’s how I live my life. So start a new tradition with yourself this year. Cut the family time short, and take a little vacation. Just kidding, you can’t afford that, so take as many leftovers as will fit in your coupe, and come home to your favorite bar. Bears is open on Christmas night, y’all.
  5. Volunteer – On a more serious note, another benefit to having more time to yourself, is the opportunity to give back a little bit. Whatever it may be, your community needs you, and I’m willing to bet there’s a cutie or two there with the same mindset. But for real doe, helping people is good and it will make you feel awesome.

So bundle up, because it’s much colder with only one body to produce heat. Merry Christmas, y’all.

-Roger Rogue