Downtown Shreveport is set to redevelop several derelict buildings and to return vibrancy to the area with both commercial and residential properties. Some of the most exciting businesses are set to open on Texas Street and Louisiana Avenue, including the living space Lofts@624, rock-n-sake – a sushi restaurant, Rhino Coffee’s second location, and Tips music venue. Downtown advocates such as Lizzy McSwizzy, Executive Director of the Downtown Devotion Assistants, are gleeful at the prospect of more downtown residents and businesses open after 5pm.
“I see this as a sign of Shreveport becoming the next Brooklyn!” says McSwizzy. “We need all of the things that Millennials want – gastropubs, artisan breads, and beard oil!”
Not everyone is prepared for this sudden transformation, which is poised to be completed by the end of the year. The building’s previous inhabitants, a young family, must now find a new home elsewhere. Shonna McMeowmers and her six young children had been living in the building for two years before construction crews showed up unannounced, forcing them to evacuate the premises. “I only had time to grab my meager belongings and round up the children before they tore down the front door” says Ms. McMeowmers. The single mother tried to receive help at Provenance House, but was turned away. “I don’t want to say it’s because of my appearance, but I will say that I did not feel accepted and was judged,” she adds.
The organization that came to the family’s aid is helmed by Creed Abarb, and serves families in Shonna’s exact situation. “When Shonna came to us, we knew we had to do everything we could to save her and her six children. We couldn’t have them out on the street in this summer heat. I’m just glad that we could be of assistance,” says Abarb.
Abarb neutered and spayed all of the children and found homes for them. Shonna was also spayed and moved in with an old couple living in South Highlands. “The Shreveport Bossier Kitty Cat Catchers are here to serve the entire city; with the new developments downtown we are looking to help every fuzzy baby that we can find,” says Abarb. “We want every poopsie floppykins to have a nice home and all the milk they can drink!”
Shreveport Mayor Pollie Taylor gave a press conference, supporting the work of Abarb’s organization. “Our city is torn. Do we allow big business to endanger our city’s feral cat population? This might throw off our whole ecosystem! Once we lose our beloved cats, the rat population will rise and crowd our antiquated sewer and water systems. A critical mass of rodents will cause excess pressure to build, drainage to slow, and pipes to burst. We’re looking at the possibility of flooding the lower parts of our city, such as those areas between the levee and the Red River. Actually, now that I’m saying it out loud, if people didn’t learn their lesson during the recent flooding – they can drown in their oversized houses. Let’s take care of our cats.”
This is all (obviously) satire.