SHREVEPORT, LA – After an intense day of reporting the most accurate news we’ve ever delivered, we regret to announce that Heliopolis and its parent company are being sued by none other than Donald J. Trump.

Seriously, what is this shit?

As if we weren’t volunteering our time to help bring cool perspectives and awareness to a community constantly shouting “There’s nothing to do!” Now we have to deal with this.

But, then to our surprise, none other than the wild-haired Senator from Vermont chimed in:


Thanks, Bernie! Hope everything goes well in New York. Speaking of New York, we reached out to Secretary Hillary Clinton for a comment.

Thanks, Hills. You da you da best.

This is satire. Thanks for participating in April Fools Day with Heliopolis. Catch ya next year!