Dear Kemerton

Dear Kemerton,
I’m 19 years old and want to immerse myself in Shreveport’s culture, but there are hardly any options for anyone younger than 21. Am I missing something?

In frustration,
Sam Fortenberry

Dear Sam,
Yes and no. While there are places to soak in the culture here, there aren’t enough – especially for your particular age group. With that being said, you do have options. There’s Rhino Coffee, the Robinson Film Center, and Artspace, just to name a few. But there are also local groups you can join, like Heliopolis. Meeting people who share your interests will go a long way in finding something worthwhile for you to do around here. And don’t worry, you aren’t missing all the fun just because you’re under 21. You can still vote, and get drafted… so… every cloud, right?

Good luck, Sam. And I wouldn’t sweat the draft thing, by the way.

Kemerton

——

Dear Kemerton,
How come no one in Shreveport-Bossier uses their car’s blinker?

Lost,
Virginia Peabody

Dear Virginia,
People don’t use their blinkers in Shreveport-Bossier for a number of reasons, and by a number of reasons I mean, like, three reasons. But the leading cause?

More than anything, it’s because people are on their phones while driving. Seriously, like 99% of the people on the road are looking at Facebook or texting instead of paying attention to what they’re doing. (Or their blinkers don’t work. Or they’re drunk.)

In the future, maintain a safe distance between yourself and the car in front of you just in case they decide to make a sharp turn out of nowhere.

Also, there’s a reason your car has a horn: Use it. A lot.

I hope this helps, Virginia. Be safe out there!
Kemerton

Sent from my iPhone

——

Dear Kemerton,
Why it so rainy like Seattle?

Wet,
Daisy Dobble

Dear Daisy,

The reason we’ve been getting so much rain as of late is most likely due to global warming or Obama. Or maybe both. They could be working in tandem somehow, I don’t know. (Around here, when all else fails, blame Obama. Seems to work for most people.)

Hope this helps!
Kemerton

P.S. Get an umbrella, you maniac!

——

Dear Kemerton,
I want to party with the Solar System, but I don’t know how to plan it.

Jokingly,
Father Dodson

Father Dodson,

This isn’t the Laugh-In. It’s an advice column. If you’re looking to try your hand at comedy, please take it to an open mic night and not to Heliopolis.

If you need legitimate advice, like how to build a robot or design a cape, I’m all ears. Otherwise you’re wasting your time.

Also, I’m sorry if this was harsh – especially since you’re some sort of reverend – but I found it necessary. I hope this doesn’t send me to hell.

All the best,
Kemerton

——-

Send questions/advice inquiries to kemerton(at)gmail.com.