Republican nomination frontrunner Donald Trump announced today that he would be making a trip to Northwest Louisiana in the near future. His reason? The number of supporters in the region.

“You know, they’re just good people, and their leaders are just the best,” Trump expounded. “Every day they work hard for their own self interest rather than the city as a whole and I can really appreciate that.”

It wasn’t the only thing Donald appreciated about our city. He went on to compare our projects to his.

“I just love the way you guys want to build I-49 through a black neighborhood. I love the blacks, but they just belong on the other side of the interstate – just like the Mexicans with that $26 billion wall I want to build. It’s just the American thing to do. But really you should figure out how to make them pay for it, that’s key.”

His support for the status quo in Shreveport was lauded, for some reason, by some local leaders including councilman Bellie Wadford, councilwoman Tiffanie Stench.

“We truly agree with Mr. Trump on a number of issues, including forcing what we think is right on our citizens,” said Wadford.

Stench agreed, saying, “We’ve been doing things this way for so long, we just don’t know what else to do.”

And while most in Shreveport agree with Trump and their leaders that everything is perfect in Shreveport, not everyone agreed.

“If we limit ourselves to Trump’s teachings, we’ll never get Shreveport back to the way it was in the 90s!” shouted one south Shreveport resident. “We just want downtown boarded up and citizens leaving in droves. That’s all we want, at the end of the day.”

But fear not, if the city has its way, that’s exactly what will happen.

When asked what he would tell the citizens of Shreveport, DJT simply responded, “Keep being apathetic. You don’t need to change anything about your city because it’s perfect just the way it is. Except the interstate, definitely build the interstate and divide the city a bit more. That and corruption at the highest levels – keep doing that too.”

Yes, its an April Fool’s article. Take a deep sigh of relief and then read it again.

Photo by Gage Skidmore.