Today, Shreveport announced it will accept a more traditional currency for its municipal-provided utilities. Thoughts and Prayers, now quantifiable through a smartphone app known as Prayercoin, will be soon open for use in lieu of the more ubiquitous US Dollar.
In a press conference held this morning where she was flanked by Bishop Michael Duca, Bishop of Shreveport, Shreveport Mayor Lollie Taylor unveiled the new plan. Citing increases in crime and the perception of Shreveport as a lawless haven for depravity, Mayor Taylor announced the City of Shreveport would be rolling out a point-of-sale device known as Prayer Mats™.
Available for pickup from an as-yet unannounced location from the First of May of this year, Prayer Mats™ will work in conjunction with a smartphone app called Prayercoin. As one kneels on the mat, Prayercoin will be mined at a rate of one coin per five minutes. At the end of each month, one can apply the aggregated Prayercoins towards the accrued water or trash pickup fees.
Extra unused Prayercoin will be able to be rolled over and applied to future months.
When asked about the possibility of simulating weight to continually mine Prayercoin, Mayor Taylor informed the throngs that to be issued a Prayer Mat™, the recipient would first be weighed before the user’s knees would be printed, much like when one is thumb printed. The issuant will also need to present a proof-of-church attendance. By taking such measures, it was felt that the user would not be able to cheat the system.
She remarked, “We want the people of Shreveport to offer their Thoughts and Prayers to whatever higher power they see fit. We need to reverse the direction of this city. We can only do that by reaching out to God. Basically, we’re rewarding people for doing the right thing.”
Bishop Duca added, “One need only look at the tale of Sodom and Gomorrah as a reminder of why a return to godliness in the home is necessary.”
When pressed whether the new system would be open to atheists, Mayor Taylor replied there would be no Prayer Mats™ issued to citizens whose church-going status was not current.