After years of Facebook posts and pleas on Twitter, arcade and pizza giant Dave & Busters has decided to open a location in Shreveport at the Forbing Marketplace.

“Market research told us that placing the building as far away from our target audience as possible was the right thing to do,” said publicist Don Piper in an email. “We plan on being open June 6 of this year in honor of our troops.”

“Dave & Busters is the perfect compliment to Shreveport,” lauded mayor Ollie Tyler. “With them in place, the transition of Shreveport from zero to hero is complete.”

The press release reveals that the facility will be 300,000 square feet, the second largest in the country after the flagship location in Lexington, Kentucky.

“It’s been a long time coming,” says Shreveport-hopeful Pat Booras. “Without the completion of I-49 through Allendale we never would have convinced Dave & Busters to build in south Shreveport. How else would all of those folks from Little Rock get their cheap pizza and arcade games?”

Touche.

“It’s not all for games though,” commented publicist Piper, “Only 100,000 square feet of that space is for games, pizza, and beer. The other 200,000 is for our side business counterfeiting king cakes and selling them to unwitting customers out of gas stations and chain grocery markets.”

But 100,000 square feet is still a lot of games and pizza. Shreveport should be really proud of this moment.

“Well,” Piper hesitated, “About 60% of the 100,000 square feet will be leased to other shops – namely a Starbuck’s Cafe, a doorway to the new Kroger, and a Papa Johns.”

Still, 40,000 square feet of games is a LOT of games. It’s undeniable that this will be a major shift in Shreveport nightlife.

“Well… we’re really only planning on being open Mondays, Wednesdays, and every other Sunday,” said Piper. “We just have to see how it goes. If there’s demand, we may even shut down more often and call our off days “maintenance” days. Our real hope is really to close this thing down and become a mattress store at some point. This whole gaming business is really just a front for that counterfeit king cake thing I mentioned earlier.”

Fair’s fair. We can’t knock them for being honest. So, for a limited time, starting June 6, get your fill of this not local, not contributing to jobs business and love the shit out of it before complaining we can’t have nice things after it’s gone.

“Dave & Busters is the perfect complement to Shreveport,” mayor Ollie Tyler said once more. “With them in place, the transition of Shreveport from zero to hero is complete.”

Thanks, Ollie.